Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
