Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
