he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
