People in love make me want to vomit
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
