Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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