he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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