Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize