oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
