god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
