Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize