I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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