"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The Olympian is in my bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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