I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
