this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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