We're facebook friends in real life
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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