just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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