He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
