dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
