i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize