i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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