My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
