He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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