It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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