we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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