so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sext me about skeletons
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
