I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
