On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
