Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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