The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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