sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
