a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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