Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
