i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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