I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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