I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
