"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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