I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the liver wants what the liver wants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
