shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
