Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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