Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
