So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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