Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
