All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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