the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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