So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
