Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
