I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
