i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
