last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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