This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
