i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
