so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
