no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
