Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
