all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
