i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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