I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
