My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
