I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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