So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize