Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
