we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't put those talents on a resume
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
