his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
