We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
