Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
