Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
