no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
