thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
