his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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