I want to stick my p in your. b.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
