All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
