She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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